"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen

STUCK ON YOU
"One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. (…)

"Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
St Augustine

"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe

"I'll never forget the time an ambulance brought in a young slacker guy and his girlfriend. They had decided to get it on in his grandmother's basement while she was out of the house. (…)

"My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers

"The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage."
Will Cuppy

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield